Christie Street Baptist Church

“Unforgiveness is like poison that you drink hoping that it harms the other person.” I’ve heard that many times. Yet, I drank the poison. It consumed me, sapped my energy, and gave me dark circles under my eyes. After months of such miserable living, circumstances converged and I had to decide whether I would forgive. It was time to decide.

 

I prayed. A few days later, I jotted on a piece of paper some points which had been circulating in my mind and which were the most significant to me. These points are not exhaustive, but they are what God impressed on me most. I hope they will be of use to you, dear reader, if you are also struggling with the poison of unforgiveness:

 

 

 

In my case, the first step toward my healing was forgiveness. And that first step depended on me. I was reminded that, in the last chapter of Job, God directed Job’s three friends to go to Job so that he may pray for them. But God had yet restored nothing to Job. Job was still in pain and poverty when he prayed for the friends who had accused him with harsh and mis-applied words, words of condemnation and guilt. I believe that Job had to forgive his friends before he could sincerely pray for them. Then, “[a]fter Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before.” (Job 42:10 NIV)

 

Dear friend, God may also be asking you to do this very hard thing, almost seemingly unfair – to forgive and pray for those who hurt you even though your circumstances remain unchanged at the moment. Even though you are right and the wrong-doer is wrong. Even though you may have some questions yet unanswered by God.

 

Even so: forgive! Do not hinder the way to healing!

 

 

Through the parable of the unmerciful servant (Matthew 18:21-35), I understood that the unforgiving are given over to tormentors (Matthew 18:34, 35). And I realized how true this had been for me.

 

Unforgiveness gave way to deep emotional and mental torment as I continually dwelt on the shortcomings of the one who had hurt me. I could not be free of this person in my mind. Anger and bitterness would surge inside of me almost on cue when I would think of them (which was often). I fell behind in my work because my thoughts could not focus on the task at hand but were so consumed with the person. Then I also had physical torment: aches in the joints, sleepless nights, and depleted energy.

 

 

God has forgiven me and paid the ultimate debt for me. No person on this earth can hurt me as much as my pride and rebellion hurt God. Withholding my forgiveness from other people scorns the gift of forgiveness that I so willingly receive from God. It shows disdain toward God. And it is utterly self-centred to eagerly receive God’s forgiveness, yet failing to grant it to others.

 

 

To love and forgive others are commands. To trust others is not an absolute command. In close church relationships – as in my situation – trust may be rebuilt over time. But regardless of broken trust, forgiveness can be granted.

 

When I realized that forgiveness and trust are separate matters, it freed me to forgive. I condemned myself because I was disillusioned with the person and doubtful of all their intentions/words/actions and my fellowship with them was hindered. These feelings indicated broken relational trust. But as far as my bitterness against this person – I chose to let go and to forgive.

 

And this leads to the final point…

 

 

I did not feel like forgiving. I felt that I would be justifying their behaviour. I felt that I was letting them off the hook. I felt that they did not even genuinely acknowledge the turmoil they caused me. I felt… I felt… But by an intentional act of my will, not my emotions, I chose to forgive.

 

Dear reader, I encourage you to forgive! Oh, it may feel impossible to do so. Maybe you have suffered wrongs which are detestable and painful! Maybe the wrongs of others have caused you significant adversity in life, or cost you opportunities, or caused you deep sorrow… And perhaps you are still suffering in the consequences of wrongs committed against you. I encourage you to ask God to give you the power to forgive. Bring your hurt before God and seek His help.

 

Say good-bye to unforgiveness and make room for healing and blessing and freedom and joy!